Challenges and compromises: from wanting children to starting work
Driven by the pandemic a few years ago, office / remote work dynamics have changed dramatically, benefiting employers and staff alike. Nevertheless, the reconciliation of family and career remains a current topic.
The question of how family life with children, the desire to have children and a partnership can be reconciled with a career is a topic of conversation in many households.
Often, it is about the demands that one wants to meet in one’s own roles and the conflicts that arise from them.
Anke Paul is the mother of a teenager and a Managing Consultant in the Finance division at X1F subsidiary ADWEKO. These years of challenges are now behind her. But that is precisely why she wants to reflect on her experiences and talk about balancing family and career.
The question of how family life, for those considering children and those already with, can be balanced with a career is a topic of conversation in many households.
Often, it is about the demands that arise balancing one’s family and professional choices and desires along with the conflicts that arise from them.
My re-entry: Back to work after parental leave
Staying home after parental leave was never an option for me. Being there for your child, husband, house, etc., is a big challenge, because you still have career aspirations and value to add.
I have always felt comfortable in my job and wanted financial independence. My family was very supportive of me in this, although there were also occasional strong headwinds. Nevertheless, a kindergarten in the countryside with all-day care was hard to come by in the early 2000s, so I compromised, initially working part-time.
Unfortunately, my employer at the time was not flexible enough, so I went in search of my niche. I found it in further training and education and in setting up a one-woman company (they still existed back then).
I was lucky to have a good network and a supportive family.
Incidentally, I learned that things you take for granted can’t be taken for granted.
“Getting ready quickly in the morning and going to work, for example, was unthinkable!”
From daycare to school
The following years were challenging for our small family in terms of organization, but also for me personally.
Most of the time, I was already exhausted when I arrived at work, but still fulfilled.
My husband and I took care of a lot of things ourselves, while friends and family were always there for us. Our son liked to visit his friends, or sometimes went to work with me – he always found that very exciting.
Fortunately, he was a relaxed child – that was extremely helpful.
Kindergarten was an easier time for all of us.
When school started, new difficulties arose, which fortunately we were able to overcome well.
In the meantime, I had become a management consultant with even more time and work demands, but I was also personally more satisfied – I was doing quite well financially.
I have to say: I hardly ever got to know my son’s teachers; my husband took on the primary role.
I also received some criticism for this, but I was able to live with and learn from it.
In my generation and the one before, unfortunately, typical gender roles were adhered to for far too long. Beyond school, my son’s private appointments and his sports were added.
But anyone who thinks that everything was a breeze is mistaken: everything had to be thought through in advance. How long is the school day today, when does my son come home, who is there and when?
Where does he go, who cooks (unfortunately, that’s still not my favorite hobby), who picks him up from training and who takes him there? It’s quite a demanding juggling act.
I admit it: I managed to forget to pick up my son from training several times – and I owe a big thank you to those around me at the time who often helped me out.
Unfortunately, I often get so absorbed in my work that I lose sight of everyday things around me. My colleagues were supportive reminding me about important appointments.
You have to remember: this was before the days of working from home, before coronavirus was on the horizon.
Generational conflicts – Generation X
It is said that Generation Xers have career success and professional development as their highest goal. They are often described as ambitious, hardworking and individualistic.
This generation is also considered to be well educated – people work to provide themselves with a materially secure life. Perhaps that explains some of my motivation. Despite all the challenges we had to overcome, we managed everything well. We were always there for our son, supporting him.
Nevertheless, I often had to abandon my perfectionism – both privately and professionally. That was another learning process for me.
I can only encourage all parents who want to continue in their jobs outside of childcare (there are lots of us) to go for it, be willing to compromise, but also be clear about your own wishes.
My professional network and my employer, ADWEKO, a subsidiary of X1F, have always supported my requirements. I can now pass on those important values to my colleagues as a team lead and part of the Finance Consulting division’s management team. Here I add my experience and influence to establish work conditions that help families to create an effective work-life balance.
This post was first published on the website of X1F subsidiary ADWEKO in 2023. It is an excellent reflection of the culture for which ADWEKO and the entire X1F Group stands.
Let's get talking
Anke Paul
X1F
